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i hate how i can everything put in it’s place, everything makes sense, then i fall off the track, and i feel like i’m back to square one— picking up all the pieces tossed along the way. i know it isn’t too late. i know that everything can be repaired.. but the disappointment is so much.
there’s only so many times you can do something before you wonder if it will permanently change. back to square one.
sure, i can sit here, and try to pick apart the reasoning i had to make such mistakes and try not to make them again, but sometimes i jut begin to think that my own wrath and sense of self.. it doesn’t mean anything anymore. i never want to hurt the people i love, but it keeps happening. and i hate that. i hate that more than anything i could possibly do to hurt myself.
so i have to choose one of two options: get my fucking shit together, or just leave everything where it is and move on…
and i’ll never just move on. it’ll always be there, like a scab that wont heal. not until i rip that wound back open and put it together the way it’s supposed to be. that takes time, precision, humility, much patience with yourself and others around you. i know i have that in me, but with disappointment like this, it can be completely understandable when you just choose to say nothing at all. I don’t want to just say I’m sorry and have my words be empty. as sorry as i am for my own words. i may not be able to take them back now.. but i can make sure it doesn’t happen again… and it can’t.. because eventually, there comes a time when it’s just too late.

too late.





note to self: don’t skip the prozac.



#ugh  #miserable  #depression  #ptsd  #anxiety  


“I want to know what passion is. I want to feel something strongly.”
– Aldous Huxley, Brave New World (via yrie)

(via scarred-tissue)



#aldous huxley  #brave new world  #literature  #mmm.. this book